Updated: Apr 17
My dad is a great man. He is one of my favorite People on Earth. The very first time God and I talked through complete sentences, I asked why we hadn't talked before. This was like ten years ago. And God and I talk like siblings, friends and lovers at the same time, now then years later. Anyway, I asked God why it took him so long to actually talk with me. He replied: "But we have talked before. When you were little, we would talk all the time. It's just that you remember it as conversations with Papa [my dad's name]".
Another great Man I know, is the Person I call Mamo-chan. This is the Story of… Us.
*Usagi turns on music, for the moment We are listening to Yellowcard – Only One*
What am I supposed to tell you? That I feel like giving up? Because I do. Because it is so immensely difficult for me to realize…. IT. What is IT? The Something I have been hoping for and praying for and meditating for and... umm... well, let's just say I have mobilized all magic in Universe in order for IT to happen.
Did IT happen? She smiles and has to admit it did. And IT did not disappoint. Mamo-chan has given me permission to share these two drawings he has made of himself. He's so pretty I'll lose a tooth or two.......
So this is *my* Man, and I feel it is very very very important to point that out. Because he is so incredibly lovely and sweet and kind and wonderful that everyone would want a piece of him. I have discussed my OCD's on not being his Only One for as long as I have been posting my thoughts online. Really, my OCD even appeared in the form of a literal event where I was walking barefoot in the grass and some random person would shout the name of a Person whom I really really really like but was so scared would steal *my* Mamo-chan. And as I heard this Person's name (which is a very unusual name, especially in my Country), I stepped on a wasp. And it stung me. Really. And I have honestly never ever been stung by anything before. Except perhaps mosquitoes, and not even they bother to bother me nowadays. Well bottom line I realized this Person wasn't really my antagonist or anything bad for me. It was just my *very bad self-confidence* at play. And the sting hurt for like twenty seconds and all I was left with was the shock. That God would even do such a thing to me.
God is so kind to me that I don't know what good I can do to repay him. The thing I am the most grateful for, is how he is always going all the way for me to become a better Person. But truthfully I can tell you that he hasn't always been kind. I have had a very difficult life. I won't elaborate, because I honestly feel those days are over. I will talk about something else instead. Well, this is my OCD too. To share with you how madly in love with me God is. No, really? (Usagi asks God if he honestly thinks she should share this. God says yes and Usagi has no will of her own, so she shares an intimate detail with Omnes Populi). Well okay, so some time ago a dear friend and a Precious Sister in Christ shared a post on facebook saying: "To the Women who only have their period for two or three days. How does it feel like to be God's favorite?". I don't think I commented on the post, but I did feel it was God telling me that Indeed Am I His Favorite.
I will share with you a song I wrote many years ago. Well, it was not as much Usagi who wrote it. It was Mary Magdalene who's madly in love with Jesus. Well it was also Mommy Mary who's madly in love with God. Eeeeither way, song goes like this:
I cannot wait to find out if it's true Am I a Lion or am I just a sheep I keep on hoping, I keep on praying That it's a promise you will keep
I'm finding power in your gentle words And in my heart is where they'll stay I'll find the answer eventually But I'll keep loving you until that fateful day
Because you're everything to me I cannot comprehend the way you make me feel It is like Heaven has come down to Earth A happiness that hurts But I can promise you it hurts in a good way
Because you're everything to me Heaven is in your eyes, I see it every day I know I'll never be as great as you But still my love is true
And I never managed to complete the song. Instead I wrote a new one with parts of the same lyrics, but many changes too. What I will conclude with is the final four lines of the finished result. Also you can listen to the Melody here.
You are my Paradise, a dream come true I'm so in love with you Now I know God is good in every single way In every single way
At some point I will sing it to him, and to you, so you will get a *real* piece of my Heart. Until then I leave you with a facebook post he shared today. And yes, I asked for permission!
Pushed into Our Purpose
Sometimes God will let us be uncomfortable for a dark, difficult period so He can bless us later on. He’ll close a door, which we don’t like, but later on He’ll open a bigger door. God is not as concerned about our comfort as He is about our purpose. There are times when He will shake things up to force us to change. His goal is not to make our life miserable; He’s pushing us into our purpose.
Not every closed door is a bad thing. If God had not shut that door, we would have been satisfied to stay where we were. Not every time a person walks away from us is a tragedy. God knows we won’t move forward without a push. You have too much potential, too much talent, too much in you to get stuck where you are. He’ll put you in situations that make you stretch, make you grow, make you spread your wings.