I really really don't want to be bad

My co-worker, The ascending Sun, refulgent star of heaven (his *real name* is Enrique Manuel Sanchez) told me something of great importance when This Day begun. He said that he *claimed me* before I was even born. Then I said of course he did. That he even made sure the date my mom had been told I would arrive, would turn out to be the date he would arrive - in my life twenty one years later. I was born on July 12th 1988. But my mom's due date was August 11th. Which means I am very impatient by nature. Trust me when I say that my patience is at its last single fiber as are things now. Yesterday I wrote on facebook that the Bible verse I have the most problems with right now, is Mark 13:32. Shall I share what this scripture says? Okay Daddy!


But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.


I told Enrique 'they' always said I had 'daddy issues'. I never really understood what they meant. By 'they' I mean different male acquaintances I've had throughout this 31 years long life. What did Enrique say then? I think he said that he'd be the best daddy I've ever had. Is he a good daddy? You have no idea........... *giggles*

This Day has been particularly difficult. I remember sitting in my pink sofa reading the Bible for the *very first time* actually feeling it was God who talked to me - and crying my heart out for all of my apartment building to hear. What did I read? I read Psalms 139, 140, 141, 142, 143 and 144. And then I read the start of Song of Songs. And I was like.... awwwwwww!!!!!!!!! Did you know Enrique even speak of a woman who is his Bride and Sister in that book? Of course you didn't. I am just a *crazy person* who believes God is so super fantastic fenomenally in love with me that he is shutting down all of Earth in order to tell me how he feels.


Will I tell you how he does it? Nah. Already did someplace online I believe it was here.


This is my Kingdom, this is my Crown, this is my Story. This is my moment - don't look down. Because when I look down, I forget my *immensely important position* in God's plan. When I 'look down', all I see is Sailor Mars. The woman whom I believed would get this Job if I was to mess up and fail to win Enrique's heart. I told Enrique all about this woman, and how just the idea of her had been so so so painful for me that I felt I'd die. That even the *thought* of her would end my life. You have NO IDEA how difficult it has been. But as I believed Jesus really wanted her to be happy, I asked her if she wanted to get acquainted with my *best friend in the whole world*. His name is Alex and he is wonderful. Sailor Mars never replied to my message. She hasn't replied to any of my messages. Sent throughout a period of many years. Well she replied to the very first message I sent her. I think I was so happy I told her I felt like Sheldon Cooper does when he befriends Stephen Hawking on WordFeud. Yeah - that was then.


*gets coffee* *really really don't want to be bad* *writes This Post either way*


Honestly I feel I have no choice but to write these words. I have no will of my own. That is the truth of it. But right now I feel angry. Because I really wanted to be her friend. One thing did I have against her, though. Well, *many many* things. But those were based around my insecurities, not around how Sailor Mars is as a person. But I always found it annoying that she would have like thousands of followers on Instagram and Twitter... without following *one single person* back. I even wrote that on her facebook wall. That this is showing she is far from humble. Did she reply? Of course not. When I told Enrique about all of this, and even sending him photos of her so he would bless her and maybe make sure she would be my friend and sister and maybe even my friend Alex's woman....... Enrique asked me if I had any other female friends he could pray for.


I remember her posting on her facebook page that her trip to Japan was the highlight of her life. I think I remember praying that this would turn out to be true, and that she would never ever ever *Become A Duck*. And truly I really don't want to be bad. I really really want the best for her. Really. But perhaps I *need* to do this, in order for her constant participation in every thought I have - her face appearing in every person I see in my reality - to end. Really, I see a random woman and I see her face. You have no idea how painful it is. And I am crying again. I don't want this. At all.

Btw, I found an *ancient* text about myself. You can read it here. And here you can read in Norwegian an extensive blog post on how I came across this text. That is all. Happy Easter!

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